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Saturday, January 1, 2011

My Death wish

Dear brother,
How have you been ? I know its been long we've seen, and i haven't cared that much about your well being. I still live wih the guilt of your death and somedays I curse the day of our birth knowing that i wasn't good enough a brother. Fate made us the wrong choices and every night i still see visions and hear voices. I haven't slept in a long time, my eyes are strained and you can hardly see my eye balls. I am standing at our favorite spot looking downhill at the town. Tears run down my cheeks and the harmattan winds send chills down my spine. I miss you alot even though i may not show it, typical me as you would say. My whole world is crumbling and everyone has turned against me, I dont think I can take it anymore.
Remember that girl I told you about; the one with the beautiful eyes. We have been together for more than a year now. Things have been going smoothly until recently. Its like all the magic just disappeared and we have been arguing and quarelling alot. I think its just reality setting in and the oxytocin levels reducing. Her view differs, she now thinks my heart was carved out of stone and i dont care about her. I really do care about her but how am i suppose to show her that if she doesnt let me.
Every now and then i get a painful bolt in my chest, the pain makes me hyperventilate and sometimes i cough out blood. I guess my heart is broken from all the drama and stress.

Brother, I dont have friends anymore as the people i call friends dont even have my best interest at heart. They are only friends when they need my help and turn their backs on me. We are not as close as we use to be anymore and we hardly hang out like when you were around. I have tried my best to please everybody and be a hero like you were to them but its not working out.

I am tired of living this way and i have found a way to make the pain go away. My sight is becoming too bad as i can hardly see during the day and very well at nights. If you are reading this it means i have already crossed over and my soul wanders. I have understood the mystery and power behind we twins and i can open those doors now. Am sorry you had to die trying. Remember the blood convenant we took years ago, its now time for me to do my part. As my Death wish, all i ask is for you to open the door with your blood once more so that we can be together again.